Struggling to Forgive
I have a confession to make; I’m a terrible forgiver. Yet I know the value of forgiveness. It stops bitterness from derailing our Christian walk and gives us inner peace instead of turmoil. We can’t live our best life unless we forgive those who hurt us. Yet I struggle to. Fortunately, I’ve learned some Biblical principles which short-circuits unforgiveness early.
Injury and anger can easily turn into hatred, bitterness and self-pity. Each of these emotions can cripple me as a human being. It’s like dragging around a very heavy chain. To combat this, I fight back with some of Jesus’ most effective spiritual tools..
And today, I’m going to share two tools which make forgiving easier.
The Betrayal
Several years ago, I ended up being sued by a Christian friend. I had helped this woman in many ways, including regular rides to church and special events. One day, she and I got into a car crash, while traveling to a woman’s retreat. Yes, the accident was definitely my fault.
The next week, letters quickly arrived in my friend’s mailbox from various attorneys, offering their services. She hired one immediately.
I didn’t know about the lawsuit until two years later. It’s a sad fact that sometimes you bless someone and then get bitten. After finding out about the lawsuit, I had some key decisions to make.
The two of us had been friends for many years. We even taught Sunday school together. Unfortunately, she couldn’t resist the opportunity for easy money. That’s when I discovered my friend had a hidden greed problem. She salved her conscience by declaring she was actually suing our insurance company, not me. But being sued is always stressful..
If she won a large settlement, we’d have to pay any amount beyond what we were insured for.
My Response
Her betrayal caused poison to seep into my system—so how could I neutralize it? How could I stop damaging scar tissue from forming over my heart?
Much more was at stake than money. If I didn’t protect my heart, I could turn into an embittered, self-centered, feeble Christian—and we already have too many of those here on earth.
So how could I prevent my inner life from being poisoned? Simple—by fighting back spiritually using principles that Jesus has given us.
I’m not talking about wearing the armor of God. Instead, I’m talking about obeying specific commands of Jesus. The result of our obedience is inner healing.
Satan’s strategy was simple; fill my heart with bitterness, so I’d refuse to help anyone else. So bitterness, self-pity and soul-killing resentment were what I needed to fight against.
Doing the right thing is always a choice. But walking in obedience to God’s principles? That’s the most powerful path we can take, moving forward.
But Christ never said it would be easy.
Principle #1: Pray for Your Enemies
44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. (Matthew 5:44-45 NIV)
Please notice that the Scripture tells us to pray for our enemies, not against them. We are inviting God to get involved and minister to the people who’ve hurt us. Jesus modeled this on the cross when He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:33-34 NIV).
I think Jesus averted a terrible divine judgement against the people in the crowd who had earlier proclaimed to Pilate in Matthew 27, “His blood is on us and on our children.”
Our Savior protected those who lobbied for His death. Even before He was nailed to the cross.
I realize some people have suffered far more abuse at the hands of their enemies than I have. Please pray for your enemies any way you can. Your emotions will be screaming in protest. But God always blesses His children for obeying Him, especially when it’s hard to do.
What I’ve discovered is, you can’t keep hating someone and yet pray for them frequently, asking God to bless them. The more I pray, the less I hate.
Ironically, the biggest challenge turned out to be praying for her lawyer. A man I’d never met.
Principle #2: Don’t Keep Thinking about the Offense
5 It [Love] does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV)
It’s just common sense. Reliving the offense repeatedly in our mind causes the injury to harden into concrete.
Before I was a Christian, I was very guilty of this. I wallowed in self-pity and brooded about the things I could have said at the time but didn’t. Did I ever apologize? No. I always believed the other person was in the wrong. Plus I was too proud.
So 100% of the time, all my injuries hardened into concrete. It didn’t occur to me to freely forgive anyone.
Guess what? I was miserable inside.
But since deciding to walk in Christ’s direction, I have a certain amount of inner peace and joy.
My Spiritual Point
When we are hurt, anger can make us feel strong. But too often it morphs over time into a darker emotion. People who frequently get mad are unhappy people. There’s no inner joy in their life and no peace—two things Jesus wanted us to have.
Now whenever the Devil brings up an old wound and i start to get upset, I immediately begin praying for that person again.
It’s a tough battle, but one we can’t afford to lose.
All these images came from Pixabay.com and no, that’s not an image of my wrecked car.
Next Week
Today I shared two spiritual tools Christians can use to short-circuit Unforgiveness. Next week I’ll share two more. I’ll also tell you how the lawsuit turned out.
These images came from Pixabay.com.
